


Memories Make the Self

by UpDownLeftGone



Category: Persona 4
Genre: M/M, Memory Loss, Shadow Dungeon, Shadow fight, its an amnesia fic weeee, yoosk and his shadow have a fun reunion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-27
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:22:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21587539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UpDownLeftGone/pseuds/UpDownLeftGone
Summary: When Yosuke loses his memories, the IT ends up with a hard choice to make. Meanwhile, Yosuke questions his own reality when memories of fighting dark voids and yellow-eyed monsters fill his mind.
Relationships: Hanamura Yosuke/Narukami Yu, Hanamura Yosuke/Seta Souji
Comments: 12
Kudos: 208





	1. Chapter 1

He awoke in a strange room, vision blurry, and head feeling as if it had just been smashed in with a sledgehammer. What was this again? Oh, yeah, living. Who was he again? Yosuke… Yosuke Hanamura? Yeah, that sounded right. Remembering the basics, he groaned and looked over to his right. There was a bedroom in front of him, but it was obviously not his. It was a decently sized space with a dresser, a table, a couch, and a small CRT TV. He was laying on top of a futon, covered by a grey blanket.

Almost immediately, a worried face was over him, eyebrows crinkled. 

“... Yosuke? You alright?” It was a short girl with a nasally voice and, based on her clothing, a weird obsession with the color green.

“Huh? He awake?” A tall, muscular, unnaturally blonde boy towered over the girl, looking down at Yosuke curiously. “Damn man, you look like shit. That shadow must’ve done a number to ya.” 

Yosuke was sitting up now, looking around the room. Even more faces. More wrinkled brows and pursed lips. 

As he looked around, he locked eyes with one of them. The short green girl had backed off, as had the tall blonde, and now a boy with silver hair that could rival his grandfather’s was looking at him. As soon as they locked eyes, the tension in the odd boy’s shoulders seemed to drop. “Ok, good. You’re ok. You really scared me for a sec-”

“Uh-” Yosuke started, all the eyes were back on him. “I-I’m sorry but… who are you guys?” 

If any worry had left the room, then it all came rushing back in a split second, faces growing anxious, eyes widening. There was a moment of pause before the room erupted into a small chaos, everyone talking over each other as a huddle was formed next to Yosuke.

“Rise, how long will this last?” the silver haired boy asked a small girl with pigtails.

“Senpai, I-I don’t think this is just a status ailment. It would’ve been negated when we left,” a high pitched voice.

“What if it’s a concussion?” the voice of the green girl. 

“We may have to take him in,” a short boy with a blue hat. “Even if this does-”

“Guys!” They all stopped to look over at Yosuke once again. “W-what’s going on?” 

The huddle paused, the silver haired boy looked back at the group before the blue hat boy gave him a small push.

“Narukami-san, he’s scared. We should at least explain a little bit.” 

“Right…” the silver haired boy - Narukami? - sounded unsure as he took a breath. “What do you know?” 

Yosuke thought for a second. “I... “

“Wait. That may have been too broad of a question. Do you remember your name?” A rather beautiful girl pushed her way to the front of the crowd.

“Yosuke, Yosuke Hanamura.”

She nodded. “Ok, do you remember your parents? What are their jobs?” 

This one took Yosuke a second. “Yeah… of course I know my parents. I- I think my dad’s a shift manager for a Junes in Tokyo… my mom… she… works in sales?” 

The raven haired girl furrowed her brows and looked towards the Narukami boy. 

“That’s what his parents did before he moved,” the boy clarified. 

“M-moved?” Yosuke scanned the crowd again, each of them giving each other more concerned glances.

This time the Narukami boy responded. “About a year ago, your dad was offered a manager position at a Junes in a town called Inaba, which is where we are right now. Your whole family moved here and you met us,” he looked around a group again. “At school. You’re a second year at Yasogami high.” 

“O-ok,” Yosuke decided he didn’t have much of a choice than to believe what these people were telling him. Wherever he was obviously wasn’t Tokyo, after all. “But that still doesn’t answer my question. Who are all of you guys?”

The Narukami boy sighed, “This… this is Chie Satonaka, shes…” he went around the room introducing everyone as they bowed politely. All of them seemed to be students of the same school, and the boy with the blue hat actually happened to be a girl with a blue hat. It was a long story, apparently. “... and my name is Yu Narukami. I also moved here from the city a few months back…” He continued explained littles bits about himself, but Yosuke latched onto that name. Yu Narumaki…? There was absolutely something more familiar about that name than the others, as if memories were was in the back of his head, and he knew they were there, he just couldn’t reach them. “... and together we make the Investigation Team. Plus you.” 

Yosuke wrinkled his nose. “Investigation Team?”

“Long story,” the actually girl - Shirogane? - interjected before Narukami could speak, flashing him a look.

“Ok… so… why did I lose my memory?” 

The group muttered around for a moment before Narukami spoke up. “You- you, well you were riding your bike to my house and you took a pretty bad fall. We uh, found you passed out on the sidewalk. We’re at my house right now, by the way. This is my room.” 

The group nodded in agreement. Yosuke decided the story was plausible, though last he remembered his bicycle was brand new.

Narukami reached his hand out to Yosuke. “Can you walk?” 

“Y-yeah.” Yosuke took his hand as Narukami heaved him to his feet. “T-thanks, uh, Narumaki-san.” 

It was brief, almost too quick for Yosuke to catch, but a small expression of hurt crossed Narukami’s eyes, as if that wasn’t the name he was expecting to hear. “You’re welcome,” he turned back to the group. “Keep an eye on him. I’ll go call my uncle.” 

With a small nod, Narukami left the room and the group took their spots. The girl from earlier - Satonaka? - sat next to the beautiful girl - Amagi? - on the futon Yosuke previously occupied. The tall blonde - Tatsumi? - was leaning against a wall, lips pursed, looking at some invisible force on the ground. The Shirogane girl and the short pigtail girl - Kujikawa? - were sitting on a couch, seemingly partaking in an important conversation. 

Yosuke looked around, eventually finding a small office chair. He sat down as he scanned the room again, attempting to take the scene into memory. So many faces. Unrecognizable faces of people who currently knew him better than he knew himself. The thought made his stomach twist. 

Eventually Narukami came back. “Alright, Nanako is at a friends house so my uncle’s going to drive myself and Yosuke to the hospital, he’s on his way here and calling Yosuke’s parents right now. I’ll text you guys about what’s up when we find out.” Yosuke noted how leader-like the boy sounded, it was as if he was managing a group of people.

A few worried glaces and “feel better soon”s later, Narukami and Yosuke were sitting in the back of an SUV, waiting for Narukami’s uncle to finish talking with Yosuke’s parents.

“So… you really… don’t remember anything, huh?” The tone was a far cry from what it was around the other friends, much more withdrawn, more concerned.

“Y-yeah… I’m sor-”

“No, no. It’s not like it’s your fault it’s just… a lot to process right now,” Narukami sighed.

“W-well. The fact my family actually moved away from Tokyo and now suddenly I’ve been in a small town for a year with friends I don’t even remember is a lot to process.” Yosuke snapped back. He wasn’t sure why it was all suddenly setting in with him. Last thing he even vaguely remembered was Tokyo with his old city friends and now suddenly he’s sitting next to a stranger in the backseat of an unfamiliar car in a town that he’d never heard the name of. 

Narukami huffed. “You’re right… I’m sorry. I can’t even imagine what it must be like to wake up in a strange place around strange people. I really just… hope this can get fixed.” 

“Yeah. Me too.” 

Yosuke looked away from Narukami and out of the window next to him. It was house on top of house on top of house, with small storefronts even farther down the street. The whole of it seemed nearly deserted, and the sky was already dark enough to make out some stars. Definitely not Tokyo. It was an alien land to him. The sight of it angered him in a way he’d never felt before. How was this fair? He was supposed to be in the city, running around with his school friends. Not some weird backlot town unknown to the world with whoever the hell those weirdos were. The world around him felt more like an unreal nightmare than any sort of reality he had any memory of.

“-ok. Yeah, we can meet you up there. See you then. Bye.” A gruff looking middle-aged man opened the car door, sliding a phone into his pocket.

Yosuke looked at Narukami questioningly. He looked confused for a second before he seemingly remembered Yosuke’s current predicament. “Dojima-san.” 

Yosuke nodded back. 

“Wow, kid, you really lost that much of your memory?” Dojima sounded concerned as he started the car. “Do you even know what year it is?” 

He thought for a second. He knew he was 17, born in 1994 so that meant… “2011?” 

“Well, at least you still got that.”

The rest of the car ride was silent as they rode up to the emergency room. Yosuke’s parents met them there - finally, two familiar faces. He automatically gravitated towards them, a grip on a situation he had no control over, as they got him checked in. 

Yosuke figured it would just be himself and his parents after that, but when Dojima left, Narukami stayed. He wasn’t allowed in with Yosuke, yet he watched the other boy sit down in the waiting room, patiently flipping through a magazine. 

The doctor did tests on top of tests, ultimately going for a brain scan. After talking it over with his parents, they decided the best bet would be to admit him overnight, since it was already so late and the symptoms were so severe. 

So, they gave him a room and told him and his parents they’d be back with the results. After making sure Yosuke was settled, his parents took off, looking for the food court. 

It was only a few minutes later when Yosuke heard a commotion through the door. 

“-no, only 4 visitors at a time and right now he already has two- EXCUSE ME YOUNG MA-” 

The door burst open revealing a small foregin-looking boy, tears running down his face, as well as the rest of the group from earlier.

“YOSUKE-NII!!” The young boy ran towards him, draping himself across Yosuke, who let out an ungraceful “oof”. 

He didn’t notice until the door closed that Narukami had come in behind the kid, leaving the rest of the group in the hallway.

“YOSUKE! I’m so glad you’re not hurt, that shadow really hit you hard, I thought the worst! But don’t worry, I gave that thing a piece of my mind! How un-bear-liveable that-” 

Yosuke tuned out what the young boy was saying, most of it sounded like crazy nonsense, instead giving Narukami a concerned look.

“-and I had to stay behind beca-”

“Teddie,” Narukami spoke and the boy stopped, looking over at the taller figure. “Remember what we talked about?” 

“O-oh. Uh…” the boy clamered off of Yosuke and stood next to Narumaki bowing deeply. “S-sorry. I forgot! Uh-uhh Yosuke-nii, I’m Teddie. I’m your - uh - friend,” he looked towards Narukami who gave him an encouraging smile. “A-and I didn’t really have anywhere to s-stay earlier this year, s-so your parents are letting me stay with you guys right now,” he shuffled his feet awkwardly.

“Oh, ok. So like roommates?” Yosuke questioned.

Teddie’s face fell. “Y-yeah. Roommates.” 

Narukami leaned over to whisper into the boys ear, where he thought Yosuke couldn’t hear, but if he strained himself he could make out what he was saying. “Ted, if you’re uncomfortable, then you don’t have to stay.” 

Teddie nodded. “I-I have a thing to- to do. I-I’ll talk to you later Yosuke-n- uh- H-Hanamura-san. B-bye!” 

Yosuke made out tears on the boys face before he quickly turned around and walked out the door.

“Did I say something…?” Yosuke felt bad, as if he had just hurt someone close to him.

“No, it’s just, I guess it’s difficult for him to see you like this. You guys are… close.” 

Yosuke looked back, thoughtfully. “Are we all… close?” 

Narukami laughed a bit a that, a fleeting smile that was gone as soon as it showed up. “I guess you could say that, yeah.” 

“Tell me about it? Maybe it’ll jog my memory.” 

Narukami’s smile came back as he recalled stories of the past. “Well… we first met when I pulled you out of a trashcan on the first day of school this year.”

“What!? How did I end up in a trashcan.” 

“Bike accident.”

Yosuke laughed. “Man, that bike must sure be dangerous then. First trash can now concussion…”

Narukami’s smile seemed to fall again at that. “Y-yeah. I kept telling you that you should really get a new one… still don’t remember?” 

Yosuke bit his cheek, glancing away. Last he remembered that bike was brand  _ new.  _ And he rode it through  _ the city. _ “Well, no. But… it sounds about right.” 

“Yeah, when you crashed you completely destroyed a DvD you were returning to Chie. She kicked your ass into the next universe after school.” 

“Really!? But, bro, she looks so tiny…”

Narukami was laughing now. “Oh trust me, she can pack a punch.”

  
They talked about their friends for some time before Yosuke’s parents returned, followed by the doctor. 

The room was silent as the doctor closed the door, giving the room the best doctor-smile possible, stopping when he noticed Yu. “Well hello there, you must be Narukami-san, Hanamura-san’s parents told me you may be stopping by. I’m Dr. Otoekishi, it’s nice to meet you.”

The man shook Narukami’s hand before pulling out a clipboard. “So, it looks like what I’m sure you suspected, it is a concussion. This type of amnesia is fairly common in people who have grade three concussions, however…”

The room tensed at the word ‘however’. ‘However’ never meant anything good.

“...you must have hit your head fairly hard. The concussed area spread back to your memory, obviously, but the damage we’ve recorded is a bit worse than most people who come in with concussions.” 

“D-does that mean he won’t get his memory back…?” Narukami’s voice was small, but still held a certain authority to it.

The doctor gave a sympathetic sigh. “We… can’t rule that out. However, many people who have had this type of concussion do regain their memories… it’s just a matter of time for those neurons to, well, rewire, if you will. We don’t have an estimate as to how long that may take.”

The room was plunged back into silence until Yosuke’s mother started talking. “There’s… no estimate? What, it might take a week or it might take a year?” 

“Some people regain their memories in a day, so people regain them years after the accident, and some people…”

“... never regain them.” Narukami looked extremely concerned. 

The doctor nodded. “Correct.”

“Is there anything else we should look for?” Yosuke’s dad interjected. 

“Well, given this is damage in the frontal cortex, you may want to look for difficulties in logic or concentration, lapses of judgement, or personality changes. It’s likely some of these symptoms will arise for a short…”

Yosuke stopped listening. He may… never get his memories back? 17 years of his life just… gone, like that. His city friends, what if he couldn’t reconnect with them anymore? His - apparently - current friends, what if he didn’t get along with them anymore…? But wait, did it even matter? If he flipped a life he never knew he had upside down, would it really make much of a difference? He couldn’t think about it.

“... and if you have any more questions, please be sure to let me know. So long as no more major symptoms arise, he should be good to go home early tomorrow. We can talk about home life and schooling then.” 

The doctor nodded as Yosuke’s parents thanked him. 

A few more minutes passed before Yosuke’s parents announced their leave. Sadly, his dad couldn’t get the next day off at work and his mom still had Teddie to take care of.

Then it was just Yosuke and Narukami again. After a full minute of silence, Narukami stood. “I’ll be right back. I’m just going to let the others know what’s going on.”

Yosuke nodded as Narukami smiled weakly at him, opening the door, and stepping out into the hallway.

~~~

He felt horrible for lying to his best friend. He really did, but what else was he supposed to do? The life Yosuke had now was already such a far cry from what he remembered, adding TV worlds and shadows on top of that might just hurt him more. 

Truth was, there was no bike accident. For what the team was used to, the story wasn’t even that flashy. They were running through Naoto’s palace, they had just defeated her shadow but had pushed themselves a little too far since the weather was calling for rain that night. Yu had ran out of goho-ms and Teddie was too exhausted to bring them back to the entrance, so he and Yosuke were leading the way, destroying any shadows that came between them and the exit while the rest of the group stayed back to support Naoto. 

But, of course, there was one shadow that had gotten the best of them. Yosuke didn’t even see it before he was knocked out, and no amount of resurrection beads were getting him on his feet. In a moment of clarity through panic, Yukiko checked to make sure there was even a pulse. Thankfully, he was still alive, just completely knocked out.

Yu still wasn’t sure how exactly they had managed to drag Yosuke through Junes and most of Inaba, back to his place, but considering no one was home, it was the safest place they could think of to to hopefully wait for him to regain consciousness. 

Thankfully he did, it just wasn’t as ok as he had hoped.

He stopped in front of a table, his friends looking up at him hopefully, but he only shook his head. “They… don’t know when he’ll regain his memories.” Sad sighs circled the table. “But, he’s going home tomorrow,” Yu tried his best to sound happy, mirrored by the slightly less downtrodden sighs around the table. 

“I… I don’t want to keep lying to him if we can help it. He’s still a part of the team, and we still have a murderer to catch,” Chie glanced around. 

“Well yeah, but tryin’ to explain the TV world to someone who literally just had all the memories knocked out of em’? I think I see where Senpai is coming from,” Kanji replied.

“Then all we can do is hope for the best, right guys?” Rise was trying to sound optimistic, but even her voice faltered.

“I think you guys should head home. We can talk about this more later.”. 

More murmurs of agreement filled the group. 

“You can’t stay here all night either, Narukami-san. I know you and him are very close, but you should get some sleep. I have a feeling the killer may strike again soon.”

“I will keep that in mind, Shirogane-san.” 

The group said their goodbyes and went towards the exit, leaving Yu alone in the hospital. 

Sure enough, it was raining outside. The sound of small pitter-patters on the roof gave Yu chills down his spine.

~~~

Yu stayed until he was told to go home. Yosuke still didn’t fully understand why, but he enjoyed the company nonetheless.

Almost as soon as Yu closed the door to leave, Yosuke pretty much passed out, exhausted from the days events.

_ There was a TV in his dream. Yellows and blacks and the friends he had met today along with a bear that sounded oddly like Teddie. There was yellow eyes and omnipotent creatures attached to his soul. There was a black void, moving in an impossible way along the floor. He didn’t see it. It struck him hard when he turned around.  _

_ Suddenly, he was in a room, some sort of store, looking at some sort of picture he didn’t recognize. Narumami was next to him, giving a sympathetic look, before there was a noise in the back corner, behind the shadows. Both of them whipped their heads around, only to be met with- _

Yosuke woke up in a cold sweat.

Sure enough, the hospital discharged him the next day, telling him to go home and get some rest. Next week, he would be allowed back in school, but he was told not to push himself too much.

Going home was, well, weird. He was used to the feeling by now, but opening the door to a home he had no real memory of was… surreal. The certainty of the situation, the realness, finally sank in. He didn’t live in the city anymore, he didn’t hang out with the same people anymore. Did he even talk with his old friends? His phone sat out of reach, he wasn’t allowed to check it with a concussion, but it might have been better that way.

Narukami visited the night after he was released, some form of chicken curry in hand. 

“So, anything yet?” Narukami made himself at home on Yosuke’s couch as his mother worked in the kitchen and Teddie had himself plopped down in front of the TV. The young boy hadn’t said much to Yosuke since he got home, and Yosuke had an odd feeling that was out of character for the seemingly energetic kid.

Yosuke shook his head in between bites of curry. “Some very simple stuff. I remember a little bit about my friends from the city, and about the move. I remember I really enjoyed the guitar and some video games but,” he took another bite of curry. “I can’t play for shit.”

“The doctors did say that important things would likely come back first. Things that are super ingrained into your brain.” 

“I guess that makes sense. I’m also starting to remember things around the house, yaknow, belongings and stuff.” 

“So… that’s it?” 

That wasn’t exactly it, but Yosuke had a weird feeling the last one was just his brain failing him again. A world inside of a TV? Fighting monsters? Yeah, no way. “That’s it.”

Narukami hung around for a little bit afterwards, talking more about strangers who were apparently Yosuke’s friends. There was a story about him being in some beauty pageant, and that was one thing he was glad he didn’t remember. 

There was one question at the forefront of Yosuke’s mind, but it seemed odd to ask, so instead he just listened to Narukami talk about the group he repeatedly called “the team”, telling stories Yosuke had no choice but to take as fact. 

It was when Narukami was putting his shoes on and preparing to leave, he and Yosuke alone by the door, that Yosuke finally blurted it out.

“W-what about us?” 

Narukami looked up from his shoes, giving Yosuke a surprised look. “What do you mean?”

“You just… you’ve been around a lot these past few days, man, and it just… I dunno, you feel like more of a friend than the others, but, like, in your stories you kinda only talk about the whole group.” There was a pause as Yosuke debated his next words. “And… I think there’s some truth to that. You just, I dunno dude this sounds stupid, but you feel a lot more… familiar? Than everyone else in the group.” 

Yu looked down, nervous, as if Yosuke had just told him the world was ending in 10 days and he was the only one who could save it. “We... were best friends.” 

_ Best friends _ , huh? The words lingered in Yosuke’s mind, connecting to something else, something buried beneath the rubble, digging it out as if it were some form of memory magnet. 

“... partners.” Yosuke’s eyes went wide. The word it felt so… natural. “Yeah. Partners. We’re partners.” His shoulders slouched, his eyes suddenly felt too dry as he blinked. “I-I may not remember why, or exactly how, but I know you’re my partner. And none of this ‘was’ or ‘were’ bullshit, you’re still my partner e-even if I-I-” When did he started crying?

Narukami looked on, shocked for a moment before he approached Yosuke, pulling him into a hug. “You  _ are _ my best friend, Yosuke. Memories or not, that’s not going to change. I’ll be here for you.”

Hearing the word best friend again sent a pang through his heart, as if that wasn’t a strong enough word. The only word strong enough right now was ‘partner’ and Yosuke decided that was the word he would use from now on for Yu. Partner.

It was obvious he was trying to hide it, but when they split, Yu’s eyes were red and puffy as well. “See you tomorrow?” He asked, a wide smile on his face.

“See you then, partner.” 

  
  


The days passed and Yosuke slowly recounted his memories. Slowly but surely, he was starting to remember the city, his old friends, how to do his job at Junes. In a week, he found himself back at work, even if he was working shorter shifts and easier jobs than usual.

He found the best thing that helped was music, listening to old songs he likely used to know by heart was slowly helping him remember essential moments, there was a song for his city friends, a song for his Junes issues, even a song for riding his bike. It was all very basic stuff, but he was still grateful to get back what he could.

Still, memories relating to the Investigation Team were… hazy at best. A few days after Yu’s visit, Yosuke remembered the whole steak-debacle with Satonaka and Yu… but anything beyond that got weird. 

He kept having nightmares about the TV. Almost every other night, it would be nearly the same thing. A TV, yellow and black, his friends, and fighting  _ something.  _ What were they fighting? He still didn’t exactly know. It was either black goop or odd figures with yellow eyes that he couldn’t quite remember correctly once he woke up. 

Of course, such an odd thing couldn’t be reality, maybe his brain was just mixing up some video games he played with the world around him and giving him some weird disjointed memories. Then again, he didn’t really know what was worse, his own mind working against him, or there actually being a world inside of the TV. After all, if something so strange was real, then wouldn’t Yu have told him by now? 

~~~

“Hanamura-san does have a lot of his basic memories back already. I feel if we hold off on telling him any longer, it may just serve to hurt him more,” Naoto explained.

“I… agree, but, What if he truly doesn’t remember anything from the TV world? I feel like we’re so close to catching the killer… we could just… leave him out of it?” Yukiko responded.

“But… what about Saki-senpai? He’s bound to remember her at some point, and if he loved her then it’s probably important to him. But if he remembers her then… I mean, she started all of this for you guys, didn’t she?” Rise was obviously concerned, trying to piece together a complex puzzle.

That made Yu pause. “I think… I don’t know.”

The group seemed to freeze, but it was true, Yu didn’t know what to do. Keep all these important things from his best friend and have him back on the team where his life was back or the line, or let him wait it out in blissful ignorance? Out of everything, trying to catch a murderer, saving people from death, this felt like too big of a responsibility for him. The fact that he had the power to make that choice in the first place was scary, especially when it was that part that put him in such a shitty position to begin with.

“Hey, question,” Kanji sat up in his seat. “If he don’t remember anything about his shadow, and what that doctor dude said about the whole ‘possibility of a personality change’ is true, wouldn’t that affect his persona?” 

Yu hadn’t even considered that possibility. Had Yosuke really accepted his shadow if he didn’t remember accepting it? Would his darkest part even be the same if he was a different person? A different person… no, there was no way, he was still the same Yosuke, through and through. Still… if him facing his shadow again was even a possibility then Yu would do his absolute best to keep that from happening. “I’m unsure, but we should keep a lookout for anything odd. I don’t believe we should tell him anything yet. Yukiko and Kanji have a point, I don’t want him to face his shadow again if it can be avoided.”

The group mumbled in half-agreement.

“So I guess we just… keep an eye out then,” Chie stated.

“Yeah, report back if you guys find anything,” Yu said. The group nodded in understanding.

~~~

Yu came by to talk with him again. He had been doing that every night since the hospital. Teddie was nice to have around, but he was still a kid, and couldn’t talk about the big things Yosuke was going through with him. His partner, on the other hand, was great at just listening. He could see why the people he met in Inaba were so much better than his city friends just through Yu alone. Still, it was difficult to imagine, they were such great friends in Yu’s stories but Yosuke still felt so… disconnected. None of what he was saying felt real. After all, there was always the horrible possibility that it simply... wasn’t. He just wanted his memories back, he wanted to know what was real and what was fake for certain. Or if he could just… start a new life. Move away. Go somewhere he didn’t need a past…

Yu waved goodbye as the sun started to set, and Yosuke retreated back to his room, snatching his headphones and scrolling through to a new song. It was a fast-paced rock song that sounded super familiar, yet he couldn’t bring up the lyrics. 

Oh. 

_ Oh. _

He had listened to this song with Saki-senpai once. Saki-senpai… she was a crush he had before she… oh. She died. 

Emotions rushed back to him, her smile, her personality. How could his friends forget to mention something so important. Someone who was once such a big staple in his life… passed away and they just weren’t going to tell him? 

He was going to invite her out but… what happened? She told him he was annoying? No, wait, that was after she was found dead...

Wait what? How?

His eyes focused on the TV across the room.  _ The TV has something to do with it. _

But, it couldn’t be true, right? It was just his broken brain misremembering… right? Still, he cautiously approached his TV, shaky palm hovering right over the screen before he let out a yelp as his hand phased through the screen. Before he could fully process, something grabbed his hand, and yanked him hard.

He fell for a minute, whatever gravity there was pulling him down through a tube of yellow and black as he attempted to orient himself, and then all too quickly, he was spat out on the other side, automatically knowing to tuck-and-roll, landing himself on his feet.

The other side of the TV was… empty. A void of blackness surrounding him. Swallowing him. 

There was the sound of static behind him and when he turned, he was faced with a computer screen. On the screen was a memory, one of the first things he had recalled in the past week. It was of him, sitting on a train, staring out a window. His bright orange suitcase was packed above him. He recognized it as his moving day, the train leaving the city, dragging them all out to the country-side. It was the last day he was in Tokyo. But, something was off about the memory. It wasn’t clear, instead crudely animated as if part of a low-budget bit. And it was in 3rd person, him looking in on himself from across the train isle.

Around him, more screens sprang to life, the static growing louder. More and more unrefined drafts of memories shown on these screens. 

Some were clearer, the characters looking more like him than some bad drawing.

Others, ones he couldn’t completely recognize, looked as if they were drawn by a crazed artist, frames skipping, different parts of the show being blacked out, TV fuzz taking over the screen more than color. 

But none of them were in first person.

His eyes locked onto a TV in the background. Curiously, he stood up, and started walking towards it.

It was one of his dreams. He was there with Yu and that weird bear in some store. As he got closer, he realized it was the liquor store in the shopping district… Konishi Liquor?  _ Konishi… _

The screen was clearer than those around him yet, it was distorted, oddly purple, the screen tearing in odd spots and the perspective looking down as if through a security camera. He paused a few feet away, watching himself reach down, pick something up. 

There was no audio, but he saw the concerned expression on both his and Yu’s face as they turned around to see something step out of the shadows.

It looked like… him. 

He leaned in closer to examine the scene better, but before he could fully understand if his eyes were deceiving him or not, was stopped by a malicious laugh . 

He didn’t have to watch more of the footage to know it had at least some truth behind it. A figure appeared behind the screen, one with bright brunette hair, orange headphones, and glowing yellow eyes.

“Well, well. Look who’s finally found his way back.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woot. second november fic incoming?? i decided to break this up into two chapters, it was getting a little long, but don't worry this isn't another full series like JBC (which yes, still working on :))
> 
> also dear god i swear i tried to get away from calling everyone by their hair color


	2. Chapter 2

They had just saved Naoto less than one week ago. Yet, there it was. The midnight channel flashed to life on his TV as the rain poured down outside.

What he saw made his heart drop. 

He recognized the shadow right away, his breath was caught in his throat before the TV had even completely flashed on. The spikey hair, the headphones, it was unmistakable.

Possibly the most unsettling thing was that the shadow didn’t even say anything, it’s smile grew wider, creepier, as screens flickered to life around it. It was an oddly terrifying scene, different screens with varying quality of animation gave the room around the shadow a bright glow. It took Yu a second before he realized they were Yosuke’s memories, drawn and played out as if unreal. 

All of the screens behind the shadow flicked off, leaving no light, only glowing golden eyes as the midnight channel flashed away, the only sound the rain falling outside. 

Yu gulped, the pit in his stomach turning to an ache as he reached for his phone.

The team was still exhausted, and the next day they all argued against entering the TV. Naoto was still weak, Chie had dark circles under her eyes, and Kanji still slumped lower than usual. 

Yu wouldn’t hear it. After making sure to restock on goho-ms and revival beads, they were back in the TV by 4pm. 

The dungeon was nothing like the team had ever seen before. Yu didn’t know what he was expecting after the showing on the midnight channel, maybe a giant Junes or some part of Tokyo - something inherently Yosuke, but instead what they got was a void. The entire outside seemed to be bathed in a black that swallowed all light that touched it. 

“Yu… are you sure about-” Yukiko started.

Something snapped inside of Yu just then, all the tension he’d been hiding finally oozing it’s way to the surface. “We have to save him! I- I don’t have a ch-” he stopped abruptly. He didn’t mean to yell at Yukiko, he really didn’t, but the recoil and fear in her eyes said it all. “I- I’m sorry.” 

Yu looked around the group, finally fully soaking in the tiredness and the worry - and now fear - on all of their faces, as well as coming to terms with his own mental wellbeing. He had never snapped at anyone in the group, much less gotten mad at one of them for caring about themselves and the others. 

“Senpai. Listen, I know you want to save him. I know you feel guilty for this, but it’s not worth more of us getting hurt,” Rise walked up to Yu, putting her hand on his shoulder with murmurs of agreement behind her. 

“I-” he hated it. He hated that she was right, but _Yosuke_ was in there and no one knew how much time they had. It didn’t make sense, he was never on TV before, he had a persona, it was so soon after Naoto and it just didn’t fit with any sort of pattern they had seen up until then, which made it much, much worse, so much more unknown. Not to mention Yosuke was his best friend, if something happened while he was weak, and alone, and lost, then how would Yu live with himself? But, looking back at the group and down at himself, he realized just how dangerous he was acting. They couldn’t push this mission like they did the last ones, too many more close calls and someone else was bound to get hurt again. “I see your point. We can head home, but we have to come back as soon as we possibly can.” 

The team breathed a sigh of relief as they walked back to the entrance, leaving the soul-sucking black box in the distance. Yu tried not to look back.

~~~

All Yosuke could make out was the floor. Occasionally the screens would flicker back to life, only when he recalled a new memory. Most short and inconsequential, translated into crayon-like animatics. What he ate for breakfast the morning before the accident. A random conversation with Chie on the way home from school. Those types of things. 

Other than that, it was blackness. Emptiness. One never-ending room of pure dark, the type that made you think you emit a small amount of light.

His phone had no signal, and he cursed himself for not charging it the morning before, meaning he couldn’t even listen to his music to ignore the hell around him. Instead, he turned it off in a desperate attempt to conserve its energy. Maybe it would come in handy later, or maybe he was just deluding himself.

One odd thing he noticed was his obvious lack of hunger or thirst. He knew had to of been there for a few hours at least, if not a few days - time was really difficult to judge when everything around you was darkness - and he still wasn’t hungry or thirsty. He had slept a little bit, but it didn’t seem like a necessity.

The other him came back occasionally, really to only kick him while he was down. It called him a loser, said nothing was worth it, told him he was as useless in his past as he was now. It hurt because it was either true, or Yosuke couldn’t dispute it. Normally it left him a crumbling heap on the dark floor of the room, glowing golden eyes disappearing into nothingness. 

The only thing he had to do was sit and wait, watching his own memories up on the wall, and hoping for some miracle.

~~~

The team was just as tired the next day. And the next. 

Yu had to push down a certain nagging voice in his head multiple times, biting his tongue and remembering what they were waiting for. Still, his mind raced with all types of horrible thoughts. 

He skipped basketball practice that night. 

The sight of the TV in Junes was hairraising. 

His hand floated across the surface, he watched the TV ripple like water. There was one rule, one unspoken rule to their whole operation. 

His fingers left the TV, the small ripples calmed on the surface. He stayed like that for a second, watching the TV screen glow in odd ways, thinking hard about his choice to listen to his teammates.

Someone he truly cared about was in there and no one was around to help him. All alone in some sort of hell thought up by his damaged mind. And there Yu was, standing at the entrance. And even worse, what if the whole team went in only for someone else to get hurt anyways? What if all this caution they were taking this time was for nothing? One small move and it was easy for things to go wrong, no matter how rested everyone was. Or worse, what if _he_ made a bad decision, and then they had to suffer the consequences? 

This was his mess, his mistake, his fault in leadership. Why shouldn’t he be the one to clean it up? 

He must have stood there for a few minutes. Either Junes was dead at this time of day, or the people passing by didn’t care about the odd teen staring down a TV.

Eventually he pried himself away from the screen and sat down on a small employee folding chair in front of his friend’s current prison. _That_ wasn’t why he was here. Throwing his own life into the wind wouldn’t be good for anyone. So, he bit his tongue again and took off his backpack.

Spending the nights with Yosuke had become commonplace over the past few weeks, he even kept it up after he had lost his memory. It was truly the only time he could relax, allow himself to be sad or mad or laugh at a stupid joke. The situation wasn’t exactly ideal, but he wasn’t going to stop the tradition then. 

For all of an hour, he sat there, strategizing how exactly he was going to free the most important person in his life, and make up for his mistakes along the way. 

~~~

By some miracle, the team was ready the next day. As soon as school ended, they were at Junes, the TV rippling behind them. 

The dungeon seemed to be bigger this time. Just by looking at the black box of a void, it was evident that there were at least one, maybe two more floors stretching into the yellow-black skyline. 

It was still as creepy as ever but this time, instead of a cautious hand on his shoulder, he got a firm nod from the rest of the group. They were ready. 

None of them knew what awaited them inside of the box, but based on the outside, it was hard to expect a patchy-looking maze-like Junes. From first glance, it looked like the grocery chain they were all more than used to, but with a closer inspection, it was evident that the majority of the shelves were completely empty, replaced with more of that black void material from the outside. Signs hanging from the ceiling weren’t much better, the general shape and outline were there, but the words were scrambled or voided out, as if whoever put together the pseudo-store had forgotten what went on them. Not to mention Yu noticed certain odd characteristics that were only found at the giant Junes in Shibuya, like escalators, and floor names - it was like two Junes’ were mashed together in some messed up fusing tactic. 

The sight sent a chill up Yu’s spine, reminding him what put this thing here in the first place.

His heart did a flip as he spotted a Junes apron tied around a bright orange T-shirt, carrying a box, and heading their way. “Yosuke?” 

The person didn’t stop, eventually walking right through the group, setting the large box down, opening it, and placing ketchup onto a lesser-stocked section. 

“A hologram? How odd. This is certainly the most complicated dungeon we’ve come across, if what you’ve told me is true,” Naoto looked on curiously. 

Sure enough, Yu started to notice the discrepancies. A light glow around the outside of the figure, and what he could only describe as screen tearing down at the feet. He had never seen anything like it.

The figure stopped suddenly, looking down into the ketchup box, a forlorn expression plastered across its face, before fizzling out in front of them. 

“Darn, when I first saw that I really thought this mission was gonna be easy,” Chie sighed. 

“Let’s go,” Yu deadpanned, not exactly wanting to think about what it all meant while there was still work to do. 

The shadows were shockingly difficult, hiding in the pure darkness and jumping out when they weren’t seen. Strange holograms of Yosuke at work would fizzle in and out of existence, occasionally he’d be dealing with a rude customer, sometimes he’d be at a cash register, or stocking shelves like they first saw. 

Yu felt them getting close to the staircase, they wandered around that floor for almost too long, and Yu was starting to get annoyed. 

Then Teddie suddenly stopped. “Wait just a minute. I remember that!” 

The team looked over to where Teddie was pointing, where another Yosuke hologram stood.

This Yosuke looked particularly annoyed, holding up a topsicle out of the wanting hands of a holographic Teddie. 

“That’s right! A few weeks before the incident I stole a topsicle from work, but Yosuke caught me and stole it back! It was bear-y annoying!” 

“So that means…” Yukiko pondered. 

“All these holograms are Yosuke-senpai’s memories? Damn, now I feel like I’m pryin’ into stuff I shouldn’t,” Kanji responded. 

“It’s uh, it’s a little strange, but Yosuke-senpai still needs help! At least it’s not like looking into the memories of a stranger…” Rise looked unsure of herself. 

Yu still couldn’t think about it without dragging himself down. Yosuke was his best friend, he knew nearly everything about him. He had to push on, what choice did he have? “We have to keep going.” 

“Uh, right. I think I saw a staircase over there,” Chie lead the team. 

The next floor was unfamiliar to them. It took Yu a few moments to realize this was Yosuke’s old apartment, it looked much bigger in pictures. In this place each doorway seemed to lead to a random part of the apartment, eventually looping back around on itself. 

Just like Junes, little details were blacked out, family photos replaced by sinking darkness, the cityscape outside of the window not more than a 2D photo of building silhouettes. 

It took two loops and about three overpowered shadows before they found the first memory. 

Yosuke was curled up on the couch, munching on popcorn, playing a video game. The odd thing that hit Yu first was just how young he looked, still elementary school age. 

Now _this_ felt like prying. An old memory he likely wasn’t supposed to know about, even if it was as innocent as sitting and playing a video game. 

The rest of the team looked about as uncomfortable as Yu felt, Yukiko lightly pulled him along to the next room, but there wasn’t much better. 

It was Yosuke’s bedroom. He sat on his bed, older than the last memory, wrapped up in PJ’s. Judging by the time on his alarm, it was much past the time he should’ve went to bed in order to make it to school in the morning. 

The look on his face was pained as he slowly shook his head side to side, clutching his old style flip phone. The entire team stood frozen for a moment, confused, but Yu knew exactly what it was. It took months to get the story out of Yosuke, his old friendships were certainly a touchy subject. There was a reason why he was so untrusting at first. 

“Yosuke…” Yu stepped closer to him, hand outstretched. 

But Yosuke’s breathing became rapid, and with a grunt, he threw his phone towards Yu, breaking down into a fit of hiccups. 

The phone flew right through him as he stood dazed and the hologram faded away. 

“What… Yu.... what... was that?” Rise seemed like she didn’t want to ask, but the rest of the team looked up, curiously. 

Yu decided he couldn’t keep it from them, letting their minds race about what they just saw would likely be worse than telling the truth. Reluctantly, he turned towards them. “Back when Yosuke started highschool, his middle school friends started some… really nasty rumors about him, gave out his phone number and…” he trailed off. 

“That… that’s horrible,” Yukiko looked shocked. 

“We should keep goin’” even Kanji sounded slightly shaken. 

Yu nodded. “Agreed.” 

They didn’t linger in any room after that, if there was a Yosuke, they’d make it their goal to get to the next room.

Still, every once and awhile they’d catch wind of a parent-son argument, wincing at the words thrown around, or stifle laughter as they watched a confused Yosuke wake up on top of piles of homework. 

Most of the time, they didn’t have trouble dodging the seemingly more personal memories. At least until the last room. It was Yosuke’s old living room, and it was a dead-end for them, none of the doors being open. 

They looked on as the front door to the apartment opened, a Yosuke entered, beat-up orange tote bag hung open showing his school books. 

“I think those are the stairs!” Chie whispered to Yu, catching a glimpse outside of the door. 

Yu nodded in understanding, and he started to make his away towards the door, but then Yosuke turned around, and empty moving boxes suddenly blipped into existence right in front of him. The team watched as the apartment seemed to morph, rolled up carpets and disassembled furniture sat in place of an old memory.

“Sweetie, I know this may come as a bit of a surprise, but dad got a new job! He was upgraded to manager but…” his mom walked out of the kitchen, but couldn’t finish as her facade quickly slipped away, and her face contorted into something the could be marked as guilt. 

“We’re moving in two weeks. They’re building a new Junes out in a small town named Ina-” 

His dad didn’t even complete his words before there was a deafening crack as the front door flew open, and Yosuke was gone, the scene dematerializing in front of the group. 

“Damn… poor Yosuke-senpai,” Kanji looked worried, as did the rest of the group.

Yu tried not to let it affect him. “We should do at least one more floor today.” 

The group murmured in anxious agreement as they made their way to the staircase. 

They were greeted by more moving boxes, this time in a more familiar space. Yu instantly recognized it as Yosuke’s house in Inaba. 

Yosuke’s parents were working diligently, unpacking bits and pieces of their living room. Yosuke sat on the new couch, staring down at his phone, which had been upgraded to a smartphone since the last time they saw it. The flip phone used in the last memory was likely shattered on impact, afterall. 

“What’s wrong, hunny?” his mom pressed, noticing the distant look on her son’s face. 

“Just… waiting on a text from my friends,” his mom smiled, ruffling his hair.

“I’m sure they’ll text you soon! They’re probably at school right now,” she smiled. 

“Yeah…” 

Yu was already heading for the next door as the scene drifted out of existence. 

They kept the policy the same, heads down, through the door ASAP, no questions. 

They went through a few rooms, most had Yosukes, but time seemed to be passing quicker on this floor. Yosuke probably didn’t spend as much time at home in Inaba as he did in Tokyo. 

Eventually they hit the rooms with Teddie, most of which the bear dragged the team to a halt in order to nostalgize over his own memories. Yu had to drag him along. 

The floor was noticeably smaller than the other two, and they hit the last room without too many shadow encounters. This was the first living room they entered where the staircase to the second floor wasn’t voided out, so Yu started making his way over to it, before his heart dropped as he heard a voice from the couch. 

“Hey, partner.”

It was like something pulled him back, Yu knew this conversation too well.

There was a slight pause as Yu responded on the other end of the line, he recited the words in his head.

_Are you ok? You don’t sound too great._

“Oh no, I- I’m fine.”

_Yosuke… you don’t have to lie to me._

Yosuke let out a slight laugh into the phone. “I guess I am having a bit of a rough night.”

There was a pause, but Yu knew he didn’t talk then, only waited for Yosuke to continue. 

“I dunno, partner, guess I just got a little caught up in everything. Now Naoto’s been in that place for awhile and the killers still out there…” 

_Is that it?_

“... no, no it’s not.”

There was a longer pause as Yosuke repositioned himself on the couch. 

“It sounds so selfish of me but-” 

_You’re gonna miss it._

“Yeah. And… I think it’s gonna be you most of all. You know? Like, dude, you’re over halfway done here…”

Yu knew that at this point, he was struggling to keep his composure on the other end. _I’ll come back, promise._

“Yeah but… I’m worried it won't be the same. It sounds so freakin’ stupid, but like, I won’t be your partner in crime anymore… and you’ll be away more than you’ll be here…” 

There was another long pause, Yu couldn’t really respond to that. 

“Partner… do you think you could maybe… just stay in this call with me? For just a little while?” 

Yosuke became visibly anxious when he didn’t get a response immediately. 

“Actuallynevermindgodthatsoundedsostup-”

... _can I come over instead?_

Yosuke relaxed. “Yeah. I’d like that.” 

The scene faded away, and suddenly Yu felt 12 curious eyes on the back of his head.

He slowly turned around to meet their gazes. For the first time instead of worry he was met with questioning raised eyebrows, immediately making his face go red. 

Quickly he spurted out a half assed explanation “It was only a few days before we rescued Naoto - next floor!”

Before any questions could be asked, he bounded up the stairs two at a time. 

The team was met with another familiar location, the Samegawa floodplain. Except it was infinite - as if the same area was copy pasted over and over. 

Yu looked back at his team, they all looked a bit tired, but the last floor wasn’t as big as they had anticipated. 

As if reading Yu’s mind, Rise answered his question before he could ask it. “If my readings are correct, there are two floors before we reach Yosuke-senpai.” 

“I can continue on, if need be,” Yukiko stepped up. 

“Yea, I think I can handle a few more shadows,” Kanji cracked his knuckles. 

The rest of the group murmured out similar statements.

“Alright, then let’s keep going.”

Similar to the last floors, certain areas were blocked out by pieces of void. Houses along the street weren’t much more than black blobs, as were the trees from across the river. 

The sun seemed to move through the sky as they walked, it only took a few steps for a midday blue sky to turn into a brilliant sunset shining out on the river. 

Yu wasn’t looking where he was walking until he heard humming from under him. He quickly jolted back into Kanji after noticing his foot was inches away from stepping down on Yosuke’s leg. 

The hologram Yosuke seemed undisturbed, despite having a foot right on top of him mere moments ago. Instead, he laid on the grass, headphones on, watching the cotton candy clouds in the sky. It only took a few seconds for the humming to slow and his eyes to close, presumably drifting off to sleep as he faded away from the cool grass. 

The moon rose as they walked, making the next memory they ran into seem merely a few hours after the last one. 

There was a shuffling in the grass before they saw Yosuke sit up, panicked, and look around. As if realizing where he was, the panic softened, but then quickly picked up again as he checked his phone for the time. “3am?!?! Shit! The first day of school’s tomorrow!” They watched him bolt up, run to his old bike, and quickly peddle away. 

“I’m surprised his parents didn’t go looking for him,” Chie’s brows furrowed. 

“Well, he did make it to school on time they next day,” Yukiko responded.

Chie snorted. “Yeah, barely!” 

Admittedly, they did get a little nosey on that floor. 

Between fighting shadows, they watched Yosuke attempt a bike jump and land completely on his face, breaking his bike in the process (explains a lot), they watched him do a back-flop into the river by accident in front of Saki, and they saw him pull Teddie back from cannon-balling into the river with his full bear-suit on. 

The team also stumbled upon some more sentimental memories. The river seemed to be Yosuke’s favorite place to play guitar later in the evening. Yu forgot that half the group didn’t even know Yosuke could play, so they were quite shocked when they watched him strum through a whole song, singing softly. 

“I’ve never heard that song before,” Rise cocked her head. “But it sounds like something I’d know.” 

“Yeah, you know what, I haven’t either,” Chie said. 

“Does Yosuke-senpai write his own songs?” Naoto raised an eyebrow.

Yu simply shrugged and walked on. Of course Yosuke wrote his own songs, but he’d be way too embarrassed if that ever got out. Especially if they found the super sappy stuff. 

Another shadow had caught them off guard, and Yu was panting by the end of it, having to heal multiple times. He almost sat down for a quick break, until he heard a rather familiar line. 

“... want you to knock all this crap outta me.”

His eyes went wide, sure enough when he looked up, himself and Yosuke were completely tearing each other apart, and Yukiko was repressing a major giggling fit. 

Faster than ever, he took the team and dragged them past the scene - which he now realized looked way weirder than it felt at the time - before the two could call it a draw and have one very personal conversation. 

After only a couple more shadows, the team seemed to reach the last bit of the giant copy-pasted floodplain, stairs to access the street, and hopefully the next floor, were in view. 

Determined not to be stopped by some other sappy memory, Yu made a beeline for the stairs. But, his plan was foiled when a familiar melody rang out across the Samegawa night-sky. 

For a moment, Yu completely forgot about the team, he completely forgot about the dungeon. There was only that moment on the Samegawa, Yosuke strumming his guitar and singing a song he had invited Yu along to hear. They had been there long before then, waiting for people to go home, talking about nothing. In fact, it was only hours before the accident, before Yosuke would forget it ever happened. 

Yu was so transfixed on the scene, he didn’t notice Yukiko silently urging the group up the stairs. 

_“... and there’s something else I need to say_

_I think you saved me, and I hope you don’t go away._

_But alas I know time is running down today_

_These times won’t stay, they’ve blown away_

_And now I look back at it differently_

_Tomorrow is coming, but today is here to stay._

_There’s nothing I fear much more than this_

_But perhaps if I look up at night_

_To the stars all shining in the sky_

_Just maybe it’ll be alright_

_Just maybe I can learn to fly_

_So you won’t have to leave me behind._

_Life is stressful that’s no secret_

_It doesn’t stop the world beneath us_

_Perhaps one day we won’t feel like this_

_But I’m just trying to be more aware of the present,_

_the future can come next week._

_Today is ending, but tomorrow is here to stay_

_Today is gone but tomorrow won’t go away…”_

Yu watched, his heart in his throat, even just reliving what happened. He watched the guitar slide off of Yosuke’s shoulders, he watched himself just as transfixed as he was in that moment, he watched them get closer and...

He watched the memory slip away. 

“Wait…” he whispered. The realization hit him. He had known the truth, he knew Yosuke didn’t remember. He knew Yosuke didn’t know what happened that night, Yu even dodged the question when asked, but part of him held out for whatever stupid reason. _Best friends._ Another half-truth he told impulsively out of fear. Maybe Yosuke would’ve remembered had he told the full truth.

His eyes focused on the black trees across the water, bringing him back to the present, where he remembered he wasn't alone. 

A quick look around and a red face brought about the realization that the team had moved on, to his relief. 

He made sure he didn’t look like a complete mess, and climbed the stairs. 

He wasn’t expecting to be met with long winding hallways, a maze with a yellow-black sky. 

“It’s… the TV world?” Rise was concerned. 

“But how? We never even told him about this place.” Kanji responded.

“I… suppose he remembered more than we thought.” Even Naoto looked shocked. 

Rise brought out Kanzeon. “On the bright side, the floor seems to be really small. It’s not like a typical dungeon.” 

“Right. Let’s go.”

The floor was tough. Some shadows were memories while others were real, and the only thing telling them apart was a slight glow above the fake ones, real ones hiding in plain sight. The team had to move with caution. 

Eventually, Yu came across a familiar room. Konishi’s liquor store, bathed in dark purple light. 

Luckily, they showed up towards the end of this particular memory. 

“Yo- you’re not me!” 

“You’re right… I’m not you, I’m me, and I’ll crush anything that bores me!” 

Yu cringed a little bit, watching himself stumble on his feet, before the scene morphed. The battle was done and Yosuke was waking up. 

“I know he saw all of our shadows, but still, I feel like we shouldn’t be seeing this,” Yukiko was cringing away. 

“It’s like a trainwreck. Man, were we all really this bad?” Kanji made a face. 

“Yes, yes we were,” Chie pushed the group to another hall, hopefully saving Yosuke some embarrassment. 

The rest of the floor was brutal. It was small, sure, but they had to move very slow, and it was super easy for shadows to sneak up on them. 

“We’re almost there guys,” Rise encouraged the beaten up group. “Just stay vigilant.” 

Chie offered to look ahead, a tactic they’d been using the past few halls, but her eyes went wide as she peered around the corner. “Uhh, guys, you might wanna see this.” 

The rest of the group made it to the corner, only to be met with a scene burned into all of their minds. 

They were met with themselves, dragging their tired feet through a blue hall as Kanji carried a half-passed out Naoto, Yosuke leading up the back.

The present IT watched in horror as a black glob grew silently behind past them, coming down hard on Yosuke. There was a scream, then the scene was gone, replaced with a door made out of the same blackness around them.

If the stuttery, sniffly, uneven breathing around him wasn’t a clue, Yukiko spoke up. “I… I don’t think I can finish this today. We’re so close but…” her voice was shaky. 

They were right there, it was within reach, Yosuke was just through a door. 

But everyone was exhausted. He wasn’t about to make the same mistake. 

“Let’s go home.” 

Everyone nodded around him.

In a puff of smoke, the dungeon faded away. 

The exhaustion really hit him one he got home. Still, he slipped under the covers, and didn’t get much sleep.

~~~

Chie was bouncing back and forth, the lost vigor of yesterday returned to her eyes, despite the situation the team currently stood in. What did someone who hardly remembered anything have to hide?

“Ready?” Rise laid a hand on Yu’s shoulder, but this one was much more sure of itself, as opposed to earlier in the week.

He nodded. “Let’s go.” 

It wasn’t a shock to them when they entered a room made completely of the same void material from earlier in the dungeon.

Yu immediately spotted the discarded orange headphones, and carefully walked over to them, as if they were a bomb that could explode at any moment. 

As soon as he picked up the headphones, the room blinded the group with screens coming to life all around them. The hundreds of screens showed various shows, all including Yosuke at some point or another, but the group didn’t have much time to take it all in before a maniacal laughter came from a shadowy figure right in the middle of the cavernous room.

Yosuke’s shadow stood in front of the real him, yellow eyes as bright as the screens around him. 

“Man, finally, took you guys long enough. Seriously?” It smirked at them. “We saved Kanji in - what - three days? Rise in two? Naoto in a single day? We’ve been waiting here for weeks.”

The group murmured, surprised the shadow would remember saving anyone.

Yukiko spoke up. “Yosuke, we made a mistake rushing that fast with the others…”

“Bull. Shit. Why would any of you care so much about us after we lost all of our memories. What? Were we just some sort of sick puppy, had to hide the past, might just hurt us. Suddenly a throw-away friend, no real use other than holding everyone else down.”

“Wha-” Yu started.

“What does it matter, huh? We technically don’t even know you people, yet we think we owe it to you? We could get up right now and walk away and why would it matter to us? We lost our memories. We don’t even know who we were in a past life. It would be so easy to just start all over. Right now all we have is what you're telling us, and we know you’re lying.”

Yu’s eyes widened in fear. The actual Yosuke sat behind the sinister version of himself, hiding his face.

“‘Fell off my bike’ that’s bullshit. ‘Just a ragtag group of friends’ yeah, that’s bullshit too. After all, we remembered the TV world pretty damn quickly didn’t we? Just didn’t wanna believe it was true, huh? And what about Saki-senpai? They just weren’t going to tell us about her? What else are they keeping from us? The only people in our life, lying to us, lying about our life and our reality, it couldn’t be real. We already can’t trust our own memories. What else did they lie about…?”

Yosuke was finally looking at the scene in front of him, nothing but pure hatred across his face.“God just… SHUT UP! Y- you’re not me!”

This time was somehow different than all the other times Yu had been through the same thing. Yosuke seemed to collapse in slow motion, and he completely missed whatever taunt the shadow threw out, transfixed on Yosuke as his eyes fluttered shut. 

“Senpai! Get your head on your shoulders!” Kanji slapped his back, an intense look in his eyes.

Yu nodded back to reality. “Right.” He could worry about Yosuke later, now they had a shadow to fight.

Said shadow was about twice as big as the first time Yu had fought it, barely holding a resemblance to the first shadow. 

It had the frog-like features, large lips, and slitted yellow eyes, but it was humanoid in a creepy way, standing on two feet, a face part-human, part-frog, and part… emptiness. It was what seemed to be the same black-hole like stuff found throughout the dungeon, but on something resembling a human it was much, much more unsettling. 

Yu felt like he was on autopilot. Still, he pressed on, never missing an order shouted out to the rest of the team, what was at risk was much more important than how he was feeling.

The fight was a rough one. Chie got swung around a few times, Kanji certainly got banged up, and Yukiko was plain exhausted by the end of it.

Even if he was glad it was over for a moment, the excitement Yu usually had after finishing a major fight was non-existent. Instead, he found himself back in that trance-like state, simply witnessing what happened in front of him in a muted blurr. Yosuke accepted his shadow, but instead of collapsing in exhaustion, he fell to his knees in a fit of tears.

He felt the team’s confused stare, expecting him to go comfort his best friend, but Yu didn’t move. He felt the rush of air as Chie ran past, she said something, and threw him a concerned look, but he didn’t hear or see it. 

Chie kneeled next to Yosuke, putting an arm on his shoulder, but he brushed it off and shook his head, only crying harder. 

After a second, the rest of the team joined her, but Yu stayed standing exactly where he was. 

Eventually, they must’ve convinced Yosuke to get up and let them help him back to the entrance, because they all stood up, Yosuke leaning on Chie for support. Yu’s eyes followed him until their eyes locked as the group passed, and Yu was finally aware of the floor under him again, hearing the distant echoes of footsteps. 

“Senpai? We should really get back… you don’t look very good.” He nodded at Rise, but couldn’t take himself to respond. 

It was like tunnel vision the whole way back, no one spoke, and everyone went their own way after Junes, Chie walked Yosuke home. 

Snow fell beyond the Junes awning, the iridescent light making the flakes glow an off yellow in the quiet night as Yu stood, attempting to process before going home.

It took about two seconds for him to accept that not thinking about it at all was likely the better option. Instead, he took a deep breath and focused on the crunch of snow beneath his feet, allowing the chill in the air to ground him - at least until he got home.

~~~

Yu couldn’t get to sleep, which was probably a good thing, because around 2 hours after he settled into his futon he heard a tapping on the single window in his bedroom. 

Yosuke knew how to get onto Yu’s roof without waking anyone, but it still took a good amount of effort to haul himself through the window, clumsily stumbling until he got onto his feet after flopping onto the couch.

Yosuke paced around the room as Yu watched on from his futon. “I can’t sleep.” 

Yu nodded. 

“I’m exhausted.” 

Yu nodded again, noticing the blatant dark bags under Yosuke’s eyes.

“We need to talk.” 

Yu nodded. 

Yosuke decided then was a good time to stop pacing around on the same floorboard, and plopped himself down on the couch. “I just… don’t know where I should start.”

Yu nodded.

“Dude, you’re really not helping.” Yosuke shook his head.

“I’m sorry.” Yu hardly even registered the words coming out of his mouth.

“What- wait, wait, no. I should be the one apologizing… thinking all those horrible things about you guys when you were just trying to protect me-”

“No.”

“-and I mean, man, I was thinking about running away-”

“No.”

“-I was selfish and I didn’t even realize I wrong until my shadow-”

“Stop.”

“-started talking. It felt like my past wasn’t real, like I was just a bystander watching a TV show-”

“Stop.”

“-and I didn’t know what was real and what was fa-”

“STOP.” 

Yu was normally level-headed, never raising his voice, so Yosuke shut up out of pure shock when he finally did. 

Yu seemed to surprise himself for a moment too. Under an awkward silence, he stood up, then sat down on the opposite end of the couch from Yosuke.

“None of this is your fault.” His voice was much smaller than it was before, a stark constant to just a moment ago. “We lied to you. We - no, I - saw you were vulnerable and I… used that to my advantage. I put you in that situation and I made you wait there for almost a week. I made you question your reality and I can’t even begin to imagine how scary that is and I just left-” he cut himself off with a small hiccup preceding tears. 

“Partner… it’s ok, I know why you hid the TV stuff from me, and I understand why you all took your time. You got there eventually and that’s what matters. Seriously, it’s fine.” But still, Yosuke shifted uncomfortably. 

“No… it’s not just that.” 

Yu finally looked up to meet Yosuke’s eyes, he almost resembled a guilty puppy. “There’s… something else, isn’t there?” 

Yu nodded, finally ready to face what he had been to scared to say before. “Do you remember the Samegawa, the night before the accident?” 

“Parts.”

“The song?” 

Yosuke nodded, but Yu froze, the same fear from less than a week ago, the night before the incident, the fear of rejection he finally thought he overcame rushing back and rendering him speechless .

Yosuke delicately took things into his own hands, at the very least remembering bits and pieces of what Yu was talking about, he remembered the full song, why he wrote it. Hell, it was the first thing he remembered how to play on guitar. “I wrote that song for a reason, maybe you know it?”

Yu only stared in disbelief. 

“I kinda think that reason became stronger even after the incident. It’s like, really difficult to describe, but I just, I _knew_ you without actually _knowing_ you. Like you were this really important thing stored in some mental crash-proof safe in the back of my head. God this sounds so stupid, but maybe that’s what… maybe that’s…” 

“... love?” 

One memory came flooding back in, and finally that feeling of something missing was gone. A memory at the back of his brain finally brought out of the same crash-proof safe, a memory of the Samegawa at 3am, of the start of something serious and just pure relief. 

“You asshole.” 

Yu went straight up pale before Yosuke noticed his mistake.

“No! No, wait, that’s not what I meant! I mean you could’ve just told me about the Samegawa instead of making me pour my heart out again you dork!” 

Yu’s pale face turned into a red-eyed rosey smile. “But I like hearing you pour your heart out, you should do it more.” 

“Har.”

They shifted on the couch so they were closer to each other. 

“I think I still gotta long way to go, partner, but I’m glad I at least got this sorted out.”

“Yosuke, I promise, from here on out you will hear nothing but the truth from me. We can meet up with the team tomorrow and maybe straighten things out-”

Yosuke cut him off with a big yawn, burying his face in Yu’s shoulder. “Yeah… let’s worry about that later.”

Within seconds Yosuke was snoring rather loudly into Yu’s shoulder, and Yu was relieved enough to start feeling himself drift off. 

Yosuke was right, he still had a long way to go, but he certainly didn’t have to do it alone. For the first time in weeks, Yu felt as if they both were finally on the right path again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was totally listening to Yesterday by The Beetles when I wrote up those lyrics lmao.  
> Anyways, this fic was no supposed to be 27 pages long in google docs nor was it supposed to take over 2 months furthernor was i supposed to write up a last chapter and then delete it all and start over but HERE WE ARE. hope it was somewhat worth the wait. :)

**Author's Note:**

> woot. second november fic incoming?? i decided to break this up into two chapters, it was getting a little long, but don't worry this isn't another full series like JBC (which yes, still working on :)) 
> 
> also dear god i swear i tried to get away from calling everyone by their hair color


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